“One afternoon when everyone was out of the house, I snuck into the back of my mother’s closet,” says David Smurthwaite of Salt Lake City, UT, recalling his childhood. “There was a really old dress tucked away I’d never seen my mom wear – and rightfully so – and I stole it away to my room along with collected dregs of makeup rejects from our guest bathroom. And there, behind a locked bedroom door, I first experimented with expression….
Read MoreTHE OSTERMILLER FAMILY
“It was just an average Tuesday, and probably the millionth time I’d picked Nicole up from soccer practice,” says Mike Ostermiller of Kayesville, UT. Driving home, they were stuck in traffic, trying to make conversation. On Mike’s mind was a recent experience his wife Kristy had shared, after walking into Nicole’s room and finding her watching a video of two girls kissing. Mike decided it was time to bring it up. Nicole, who was 15 and struggling with depression at the time, didn’t come out and say the words “I’m gay” directly, but she made it clear to her dad that she was attracted to girls instead of boys. Mike says, “I had this moment that I don’t know that any parent plans for. I hadn’t.” But following his gut, Mike turned to his daughter and said, “Nicole, I appreciate you sharing that. I can tell that took a lot of bravery on your part. I love you, and we’re going to figure this out. I don’t know that I’m ready to have this conversation with you today. You’ve trusted me with this information, and I only get one chance to respond. I don’t want to screw it up.” With that, both exhaled and shelved the conversation….
Read MoreTHE HIGGINBOTHAM FAMILY
“As soon as Lu was born, my husband and I were sitting on our bed and looking at this cute little baby with black hair that stuck up in every direction, and we both felt that there was something about this child that we couldn’t quite put our finger on,” says Leah Higginbotham of Highland, Utah. She and husband Dylan are the parents of Olivia – 19, Gage – 17, Nash – 14, Lu – 11, and Lila – 8. Leah says that as Lu (birth name: Lucy) grew, as soon as they could express a preference, Lu was always in boy clothes and wanted their hair cut short. One of Lu’s first sentences when Leah tried to put her toddler in something pink was, “No, I a boy,” as Lu pushed her mother away. Every Sunday was a struggle trying to get Lu into a dress for church. The rest of the week, the Higginbothams allowed Lu to dress as preferred, which frequently attracted comments like, “Oh she’s a tomboy. I used to be a tomboy…” But as Lu grew, instead of leaning away from being a boy, Lu leaned into it even more….
Read MoreTHE KELLY FAMILY
“When he was 13, Aiden, (who went by Emma at the time), came to me on a mundane Saturday morning, with a ghostlike expression and journal in hand. I was working in the kitchen; my husband Joseph was folding laundry. Emma said, ‘Mom, I need you to look at something. Can we go somewhere private’?” Annalee was then led outside where she silently read the confessions of her second born child who had she had always known as her little girl. She read Emma’s words that she had “no attraction to boys whatsoever,” and confession that she was gay. Annalee read all this silently, but inside felt like she was screaming. “I didn’t see this coming.” (continued)
Read MoreTHE HUNTER FAMILY
John and Jenie Hunter of Brandon, FL had been trying to have children for some time when the opportunity presented itself to adopt a baby boy from a teen mom in Tennessee. They were ecstatic to bring their son Nicholas (now 24) home, and further thrilled when they were able to later have five biological daughters, Grace – 21, twins Ellie and Sarah Jane – 19, Mary – 17, and Kate – 12. As they raised their kids, John and Jenie noticed other differences about Nick -- besides being the oldest and only boy. They wondered how much nature vs. nurture played into things. “He was always exceptionally artistic,” says John. “He’d come to me and say, ‘Dad, draw me the ship from Star Wars,’ and I was like ‘Uh…,’ and then he’d proceed to draw it out with incredible detail. He saw the whole world in lines and shapes. He was always so creative. We love that about him.”…
THE TAYLOR FAMILY
“Our story starts with my brother’s, really,” says Amy Taylor of Idaho Falls. It was a cold Christmas Eve night in 2003. Amy’s husband Brooks was working the night shift at the sheriff’s office, so her fresh off his mission brother, Jamison came over to help Amy prep Christmas for her young kids. Once the kids had gone to bed, Jamison opened up to Amy. “He confided he’d been experiencing what he, at the time, called same sex attraction. I was completely surprised; it’s nothing I had ever considered. But in that moment, it changed everything I’d ever thought about gay people. I just felt bad he’d been living alone with this for so long. It made me feel closer to him and I appreciated him telling me. He asked me not to say anything because he planned to change his orientation, and didn’t want anyone knowing he had struggled with SSA,” Amy says.
Read MoreTHE CHAPMAN FAMILY
“It wasn’t a shock,” Susan Chapman says of her 21-year-old daughter, Sarah, coming out earlier this year. In fact, when Sarah was in high school, Susan tried to broach the subject herself with a “Hey, so…” Sarah would laugh and tell her friends, “My mom thinks I’m gay.” Susan now knows Sarah wasn’t ready to admit it just yet. Brought up LDS, Sarah was under the impression that perhaps it was something that might go away after she served a mission. But during her mission, Sarah realized this is who she is and it isn’t going anywhere. When she returned, she thought she might date guys, but quickly realized that also wasn’t going to work out. Shortly after, Susan visited her daughter for her birthday, and Sarah shared a particular Questions from the Closet podcast episode with her mom. Susan says she isn’t proud of how she responded at the time, and the next day apologized for not being as open as she would have liked. “When I went home from that trip, I really realized: my daughter is gay. Heavenly Father was preparing me.” She asked Sarah if anything was troubling her. Sarah replied, “I’m just dealing with some stuff.” Susan said, “You might as well tell me because I think you’ll feel better once you do. I already know, but you’re going to have to tell me.” Sarah said, “How did you know?” Susan said, “God told me.”…
The truth is, they were both dealing with a lot of really heavy stuff. In November of 2020, Susan’s husband Ryan had been diagnosed with colon cancer. He had lost his own father to a different form of cancer a year prior, and Ryan’s prognosis also did not look good. Sarah asked her mom not to tell her dad about her orientation, but Susan did – an action that upset her daughter, and the two did not speak for a few days, which was very out of character for them. But Susan needed the support of her spouse – her best friend, and most importantly, she knew that Sarah would need to know she had her dad’s support while he was still with them, if things were to go south.
Indeed, Ryan instantly expressed unconditional love for his daughter, and his own previous ideologies about what it meant to be gay changed on a dime once it hit home with his own daughter. Susan says he told her that up until that point, he wanted to believe it was a choice -- that if someone did not want to be gay, they could choose not to be. To each his own. But now, he knew that he had misunderstood…
Read MoreTHE SAIS FAMILY
“This is a season Rebecca and Jeff Sais have eagerly anticipated for a long time. Jeff comes from a multi-generational farming family; and after working for four decades in the agricultural business himself, he was able to retire in August. Now the couple is in Provo’s Missionary Training Center preparing to embark on 18 months of senior missionary service in Kentucky, where they have been tasked with developing the church’s ARP program -- an opportunity they say never would have happened if it weren’t for their testimony of the Savior that deepened through raising their daughter, Lindsey (41).
Lindsey is the oldest of her siblings, John – 39, Erin – 33, and Andy – 31. The Sais kids were all born in Idaho, and raised in Santa Maria, CA where they moved in ’93. Rebecca and Jeff have always strictly followed the principles of their LDS faith. As a child, Rebecca says Lindsey was very spiritual and obedient, super bright, and always loved school. She also loved looking for worms to sell and playing outside, and was the head of her T-ball team. She did not like pink or anything frilly. Rebecca now regrets that there were times she tried to encourage her daughter to wear her hair differently, or otherwise be something she wasn’t. After entering high school, Lindsey later got involved with friends who drank and smoke pot. She also had no interest in dating and never expressed wanting to do so. While her parents had suspicions about Lindsey’s reality, Rebecca says, “We were in denial. We didn’t talk about it. We tried to love and support her the best we knew how, but she had different ideas and became closed off.”
Long Beach State became Lindsey’s new home after high school, and in college, her drinking and drug use became a problem. She’d occasionally visit home, where house rules mandated she align with gospel living, and this caused some friction between her and her parents. While at school, Lindsey became involved with a (non-LDS) man, and the two married civilly in an LDS chapel. Afterwards, he joined the church, and at the urging of Rebecca and Jeff, the two took temple prep classes and were sealed. Lindsey’s husband was in the military which moved them to Hawaii. There, things spiraled downward fast. Lindsey hung out more and more with her gay friends, and ultimately came out to her husband (but not her parents). At Christmas, they told their families they were getting divorced.
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