“Sometimes being in the ‘Top Ten’ of a ward’s hierarchy can pay dividends,” surmises Molly*, the mother of a family for whom we’ll be honoring their request for privacy by using pseudonyms in this story because frankly, it’s a tough time for families of trans kids. It’s especially tough when you have two trans kids. Such is the case for today’s family of 7, with Peter* and Molly’s children ranging in age from 15-23. Molly laughs that, “We started with four girls and one boy, and we ended up with four girls and one boy.” But a lot has changed since their first child was born, shortly after the couple met and married while at BYU…
Read MoreTHE CASE FAMILY
“We both love live music, the Utah Symphony, college sports, and theater. That’s one of the joys of the relationship we have—she doesn’t drag me to ballet and I don’t drag her to football,” says Jeff Case of Pleasant Grove, UT, sharing that loving going to these things together is just one of the perks of their mixed orientation marriage. Both Jeff and his wife Sarah are classically trained musicians, owning that, “Music is a gigantic part of our lives.” It’s a passion they’ve passed down to their three kids, Andrew—25, Danae—22, and Moth—18, though the younger ones may gravitate toward different genres. “We don’t always get what they listen to, but it seems like that’s just par for the parenting course,” says Jeff...
Read MoreMICHAEL SOTO
In light of the recent publication of the new church handbook rules regarding transgender individuals, we wanted to re-share Michael Soto's story. Michael was kind enough to include some words of encouragement to our trans members and their loved ones…
"To my transgender sisters, brothers, and siblings, our families, friends, and community members:
Every trans person has so much to offer this world, society, and the church. I know this feels like a rejection and loss for us right now, but the truth is, it is loss for the church community – because, without us, the church community is not complete, is not reflective of the full glory and diversity of God’s love and plan – because we are a part of that plan and fully live within God’s love.
These handbook changes tell me one very clear thing: the church is still learning how to care for and love transgender people as members. But the good news is that this is our opportunity as trans people and our families and friends, to teach about trans people so that someday the Church can minister to and love us. We can show the church through our actions what truly loving trans people looks like. Let’s put our shoulder to wheel and do everything we can to help our faith community grow and learn more about God’s love for all human beings."
-Michael Soto
Read MoreTHE DAVIS FAMILY
“All great spirituality is about what we do with our pain. If we do not transform our pain, we will transmit it to those around us.” This was the Richard Rohr quote TeriDel Davis opened with at a recent presentation at an ally night in her Gilbert, AZ hometown. Joined by her husband, Tad, TeriDel then passed the mic to their 17-year-old trans daughter Kay to expand on the pain she thought she’d be able to bury until after high school, when it might be a better time to “figure it out.” But Kay explained, “This didn’t work out very well for me, as the only way I could bury the pain was to try and make myself numb to (it).” Citing Brene Brown, she continued, “When you numb your pain, you numb your joy.”
Read MoreANONYMOUS
M* drives across state lines to seek the healthcare for her preteen daughter that has improved her sense of well-being. She tells very few people where she is going, as few seem to understand. But a nearby state allows a puberty blocker shot that’s recently been banned for minors under 18 in M’s home state. It’s a shot that has been widely given without major concerns for decades to patients with early onset puberty, until the politicking of the trans community dominated airwaves and stigmatized it as “unsafe.” It’s a shot that can help prevent the further need for medication for trans individuals if timed right, which is why the trans-affirming medical community prioritizes its use in younger patients on the verge of puberty. But this process requires a parent and a medical team to trust the intuition and identity of a patient who is still a child.
Read MoreTHE JENKINS FAMILY
Content warning: suicidal ideation
Kathryn and Jare (rhymes with “care”) Jenkins had been married for eight years and were expecting their third child when Jare handed Kathryn an eye-opening letter. Kathryn opened it to read that the husband who she had met and fell in love with and married in the Salt Lake City LDS temple was now coming out to her as transgender. Kathryn was in complete shock: “It was a lot to process. I was emotional. It was a hard time for both of us.” Further complicating things, as soon as Jare (they/them) came out to Kathryn, they immediately went back into the closet, not ready to talk about it…
Read MoreTHE KILPATRICK FAMILY
A pivotal moment for the Kilpatrick family happened at a McDonald’s drive thru. Katie Kilpatrick had made driver’s seat concessions for years to pass along the request for a “girl toy” with the happy meal for her youngest child, who had been assigned male at birth. It was always just easier to honor the plea. F, (she/her and now 15), had after all insisted that she was a girl since she was 18 months old. And this wasn’t hard for her parents to believe, based on the evidence. She always opted to play pretend as a female character. She identified as all the Disney princesses. Every self-portrait their toddler drew presented herself in the feminine form. So despite their traditional upbringings in the LDS faith, Katie and her husband of 25 years, Don, had no problem sneaking a baby doll or two into the cart of holiday gifts for their youngest “son.” But the holidays always brewed a little stressful as cultural and church norms pressured them and others to refrain from giving little F the milieu of pretty, pastel Christmas gifts she desired. And now, once again she was requesting the “girl toy.”
JAMEE MITCHELL
Several years ago, Jamee Mitchell stumbled upon the wedding video from her first marriage. Someone watching the video told her that, “Your body language clearly indicates that you didn’t want to be there.” And most would agree, Jamee looked quite different back then. Jamee was raised and known for most of her life as James, the son of an active LDS family with deep pioneer roots in Bountiful, Utah. From her earliest memory, Jamee felt different, but didn’t have the vocabulary to define the way she felt. Her family was amused that she played dress-up and loved pink until these things were no longer considered age-appropriate. Her parents took her to a church therapist at age 11 where she was told that if she would serve God faithfully, that “it would all work out.” …
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