Eli Sorensen grew up the favorite (and only) baby brother in his Idaho Falls-based childhood home. His two older sisters were 10 and 14-years-old when he was born, but his mom Joy says, “Eli was not an oops or a mistake, just a long-awaited blessing. He always has been.” Growing up, Eli was active and successful in cross country, swimming, and school. He had plenty of friends. Joy now laughs that her biggest concern was that he “might end up in a relationship with an unwanted pregnancy situation because he had so many girls flocking to him.”
Just before eighth grade, Eli and his mom were watching TV one night when he turned to her and said, “Mom, I need to tell you something. I might be gay.” Instead of feeling shock or surprise, Joy says instead she just felt an overwhelming surge of how much she loved her son. She felt her only priority at that moment was to resolve to showing him the proper love and support moving forward. Her husband Phillip was their ward’s bishop at the time, and Eli wasn’t sure how his dad would take the news. But Joy encouraged Eli to go upstairs and tell him. Joy joined him and the three had a positive conversation in which his parents said they’d follow his lead and help him along whatever path he’d choose, whether that be counseling or keeping it quiet. Eli said he was still trying to come to grips with it all, and told his parents he wouldn’t need his parents to come out for him—ever, even to his older sisters. He would handle that.
Joy remembers a peaceful feeling that night as she went to bed. In her personal prayer, she says she pled, “Heavenly Father, tell me what to do.” The answer she received was to “always love your child, support him, and keep him alive. I love him and I’ll take care of him. Don’t worry.” Over the next few years, Eli remained active in the church and “lived his life as a typical kid.” While the Sorensens didn’t completely put the conversation behind them, Joy acknowledges they didn’t bring it up much.
Later in high school, Eli made a few close friends in cross country who he felt comfortable opening up to. Unfortunately, one of these “friends” took it upon himself to spread Eli’s news with others, which turned out both “horribly and perfectly,” according to Joy. It was hard for Eli to fear how his friendships would shake out, and to hear certain unwelcome comments from some, like that he “must not deserve a miracle or God would have taken this away” or to “just live your baptismal covenants and then in the eternities God will take care of this.” But largely, the response of his peers was positive and supportive. Joy says, “I love to see kids just accept other kids these days.” Joy says Eli had a wise, supportive English teacher at the time who assigned her class to write an essay about something they wanted to share. While knowing his essay would be peer-reviewed by someone in the class, Eli still felt the need to finally share his news in his own words. One of his close, female friends from cross country was assigned to read his story, which made Eli’s heart drop, not knowing how she might respond. But she and her family have since become some of his biggest allies. Joy says, “I can’t say enough for the friends and teachers in the school who encouraged him to be who he is.”
Still, many in the Sorensen’s ward were unaware Eli was gay as he attended high school outside their stake boundaries. But during his senior year, right around his birthday, Joy discovered Eli had come out on Instagram while sitting at her desk at work. Her phone started to blow up with supportive texts. She realized her son was finally ready for his burden of secrecy to be lifted, and she felt so grateful. Eli continued to attend church with his parents, “more out of respect for us,” says Joy, but his parents observed it was not in his heart, and they weren’t sure where he’d land. He didn’t feel the need to attend the local LGBTQ+ support group for families (not organized by the LDS church, but consisting of several of its members), but Joy and Phillip found great support walking into a room of familiar faces who were willing to open up and share similar experiences about their own kids who had come out. The Sorensens also say they found support through resource providers like Questions from the Closet, Listen, Learn and Love, and Lift and Love.
His own son coming out was a turning point for Phillip, who had grown up experiencing a more painful reality many in the LGBTQ+ community have faced. Phillip’s brother Randy was gay, and both he and his partner succumbed to AIDS and passed away in the 90s in Seattle. Joy says, “Back then in the 80s and 90s, it seemed being gay was a lot about casual sex. A lot of men got sick and died. I don’t think we’re at that point anymore.” Joy met Randy before he passed and remembers him being “such a nice man. He was brilliant. He had a doctorate in Chinese geography, though he was also a bouncer at a gay bar, even with his fancy degree. Now, things are different, and he would have been known as just a really smart, gay man.” Joy says, “I think we have to have pioneers in the field. He would have been one if he were still alive. I believe we have help from both sides. I know Randy’s so proud of his nephew.” Joy says it took some time for Phillip to get over his fears that things would be different for his own son.
Indeed, Eli is off to a great start in his early adulthood. After high school, Eli went to Boise State, where he is now a 21-year-old senior studying computer science. Having just completed an internship in Virginia, he loves coding and plans to work in tech. Eli designed an app called Mixtaper which was recently released on the Apple App Store and helps users create cover art for their Apple Music and Spotify playlists. Joy says, “He’s wonderful; he’s amazing. When he wants something, he goes for it, and we support him.” Eli looks forward to starting a family of his own one day, and his mom laughs that he wants to make a lot of money first so he can adopt some kids. “He’s the best uncle ever,” says Joy.
Eli’s in a happy relationship with a young man who attends his same college. Eli’s older sisters (Whitney-35, and Cassidy-32, who is married to Cody Jardine, and they are the parents of Baylor-4) are both very supportive of him, after each discovering he was gay several years ago in separate instances. Joy’s parents and their relatives have also been very supportive, which has been made easier as Joy has several LGBTQ cousins and family friends. “It’s been eye-opening to see how many of us have this connection, all being linked through these awesome kids of ours.” Joy works at a school where she proudly wears a rainbow wristband, giving a safe visual token to students who may worry and wonder things about themselves similar to what she imagines Eli once considered. While Eli is no longer affiliated with the church, he supports the activity level of his parents, who have taken it upon themselves to speak out when needed to promote messages of love and inclusion.
Before Eli was out, when Phillip was serving as bishop, a woman in the ward approached him with her suspicions that there were two lesbians in their ward. She wanted to know what they should do about their relationship. Phillip replied in the gist of, “What we should do is make them feel welcome here; where else should they be?” Joy says while she knows Eli has a great life purpose, whether in or out of the church, she wants the church to become a place where people like him would feel comfortable coming back. Joy currently serves as her Twin Falls (specifically Kimberly), ID ward’s Relief Society president, where she says “I’m never ashamed to talk about my son being gay. I bring it up; I want people to know.” Whenever she posts affirming messages online, Joy says she inevitably gets a private message from someone in her church community who says, “Thank you so much, I need to talk to you. I need someone.” Joy says, “I know a lot of people leave the church. We feel super strong about staying in the church, but I still speak out on my soapbox. So many people don’t know what do with it.”
The Sorensens are grateful for other trailblazing rainbow families in their area as well as past missionaries who have served in their ward before later coming out and showing up to dinner with their eventual husbands/partners. She appreciates how they’ve paved the way and give advice when needed. While Eli did not serve an official LDS mission, Joy feels their family has been called to serve a different type of ministry to those in their midst.
“None of us knows what eternity looks like. Growing up in my generation, it was about wearing white in the temple. But my eternity will have some color – and I hope it does. I don’t need to change doctrine. I just love all of God’s children. No one should be denied that for any reason. The God I know and believe in loves everyone.”
