“Jesus said love everyone, treat them kindly, too” and “Kindness begins with me” are the lyrics Primary President Kendra Wilde of West Jordan, UT hopes her ward members both big and small lead with when it comes to how they treat LGBTQ people. She has been happy to see this has largely been the case in her ward, where people have embraced her youngest son, Devin Wilde, since he came out as gay after he returned from his mission in 2020.
Following the example of a bishop who Kendra calls wonderfully supportive, the Wilde’s ward has welcomed Devin to share this aspect of who he is openly, since he returned home after serving 17 months in the Scotland-Ireland mission. Devin was serving in the height of Covid, and it was a crushing time to be a missionary in the UK. He was only allowed outside of his apartment one hour a day, which left him grappling with all kinds of thoughts and emotions during lockdown. One being the past experiences that had led him to question aspects of his sexuality. Devin discovered the podcast “Latter Gay Stories,” and would listen to the stories via earbuds while binge cleaning his apartment, while his companion found other things to occupy his time.
Kendra remembers getting a call from Devin that completely blindsided her as he revealed that he was bisexual, and would be returning home early from his mission -- for other reasons. When he returned, Devin’s mental health was at an all-time low, and it took some time for Kendra and Devin to find the right help, which they did via a life coach who specializes in LGBTQ and addiction issues. It was in those meetings that Devin came to actualize and admit that he is gay and accept himself as he is.
When Devin returned from his mission, defeated, Kendra brought him to work, where she manages the office affairs for a property development company. She tried to find odd jobs for him to do to keep him busy and keep his mind off some heavy emotions he was battling. One of her two bosses (a former bishop) saw Devin lying on the floor of her office one day, depressed, and realized the magnitude of the situation. He has since been a wonderful support for Kendra and Devin. Her other boss took Devin fishing for a day and also offered him some support. Looking back, Kendra is grateful for the many family members and friends, like her bosses, along the way who met Devin where he was at and let him know he was loved for who he is as they helped him use the gift of the Atonement to get to a healthier mental space.
Devin’s orientation took his mom completely by surprise. He had been just 13 when his father passed away from colon cancer, and as the youngest of four kids and still living at home with his mom after his mission, Kendra says she felt very alone when he first opened up to her about all he had been grappling with. In some ways, Kendra says going through that experience was even more shocking and isolating than dealing with her husband’s death. When Devin first told her, she responded she loved him no matter what, but admits now that she needed to embark on a steep learning curve to come to a place where she could be fully supportive and open-minded about all he was experiencing.
Like many parents, Kendra reflected back on the when and the why and the how did she not see this coming? In high school, Devin had loved ballroom dancing, and had dated a lot of girls from the sport. Kendra recalls that many girls had had crushes on him. There was one girl in particular Devin had known before his mission who he had expressed having real feelings for. After his mission, on a quest to really figure himself out, Devin went out with the girl again, and while the two are still good friends to this day, Devin says it didn’t take him long to figure out that he wasn’t romantically interested in women.
After Devin had been home for about a year, Kendra’s bishop contacted them to say he felt strongly impressed that they needed to have a fifth Sunday lesson about LGBTQ issues, and he wanted Kendra and Devin to teach it. They agreed. The bishopric circulated a google doc amongst the ward announcing the lesson and asked ward members to input any (anonymous) questions they’d like to ask. One person questioned why this was a lesson they needed when they’re supposed to go to church to learn about Jesus Christ. This was a bit shocking to Kendra and Devin, who saw the question, but the bishop encouraged the lesson to move forward.
Kendra and Devin took a Christ-centered yet vulnerable approach to their lesson, openly sharing each of their personal experiences and suggestions as to how people can better minister to those in the margins, and to those who might feel like they don’t fit the LDS mold. Kendra let her ward members know that, “This is what Heavenly Father has asked me to do and I am going to do it.” It was later shared with Kendra that after the lesson was delivered, the same member who had complained about its necessity afterwards told a bishopric member that this was “the most spiritual lesson he’d ever attended” and apologized for the previous conversation.
Nowadays, Devin is doing much better. He’s working full time, studying cyber security at Davis Tech, and dating his boyfriend who he really likes. Devin has chosen to rely on personal revelation to guide him where he should go in his future in terms of his relationships and his involvement with the church. He often goes to the temple grounds in prayer with the scriptures and a journal to receive revelation from Heavenly Father. Currently, he feels compelled to stay, even though it is not always an easy road. Devin does have a testimony, but things can be and are hard at times; but he still follows what he feels is right. And in fact, most Sundays you can find him near his mom in the primary room, singing the songs with the CTR 5 and 6 class he co-teaches. Kendra says, “My counselors kept asking me to call him to be a teacher. The kids have always loved him. And the messages taught in Primary about love and kindness are safe ones for all to hear.”
Kendra says, “Over the last two years, both of us have relied on our relationships with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ which have been strengthened and continue to grow. We have received many answers and feel peace at where we are today.”
