trigger warning: suicide attempt
Jordon and Liz Sharp of St. George, UT, will never forget the day they stopped to pick fresh raspberries. It was a day that felt intentional, and in hindsight—inspired. A day that would ultimately affect the trajectory of their lives. At the time, Jordon had just been called as a young bishop for their ward while going to school to get his doctorate and working full time, while Liz was working part time as a registered nurse and raising their family. As the parents of then four young children, there were literally not enough hours in their day to check all the required boxes of duty. So, Liz was surprised at Jordon’s invitation to join him for a spontaneous and rare day date to go on a drive and hand deliver items to city leadership in the nearby town of Enterprise, UT. On their way back, they saw a sign advertising fresh raspberries and stopped to buy a flat. Upon arriving, the farmers shared that they could simply purchase the raspberries or pick their own. Per usual, Jordon was in a hurry and wanted to quickly buy the fruit and go, but Liz convinced him to pick up a basket and start picking, feeling this would be a peaceful and worthwhile experience to share together. Jordon begrudgingly complied.
While walking through the rows, they got to know the farmers who owned the field and turned out to be the grandparents of the Sharps’ longtime neighbors, the Mitchells. The discussion quickly turned to the Mitchells’ teen daughter, also named Jordyn, who often worked with her grandparents on the farm. Jordyn (14 at the time) was a spunky, vibrant, “tomboy type” who grew up with the Sharp kids. It was a serendipitous meeting that would soon become significant. As soon as Jordon and Liz returned home, they were met in the kitchen by their distraught daughter Chloe and Jordyn’s sister, Jocelyn, who ran in and said that Jordyn had fallen in the garage—possibly from her skateboard. She was hurt and “there was blood everywhere.” Jordyn’s parents weren’t home, and the kids told Liz to bring her nursing bag.
Liz ran over and encountered a much more dire scene. Jordyn was unconscious from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the mouth with blood quickly pooling around her. Jordon secured the gun and removed the children from the scene while Liz aided Jordyn and called 911. As the ambulance took Jordyn, Liz stayed behind with the kids and Jordon met the family at the hospital. While kneeling and praying with the Sharp and Mitchell children in their living room, Liz remembers a peculiar, yet piercing thought entering her mind: “If this has anything to do with my church, we have a real problem that needs to be fixed.”
Reflecting on the day, Jordon recalls the evident hand of a loving Heavenly Father facilitating certain events: allowing them to know and appreciate Jordyn and her great spirit from a young age; meeting Jordyn’s extended family the day of the incident; enjoying an unexpected moment of peace with his wife right before the terrible episode; and most importantly, arriving home early from work, and placing the Mitchells’ bishop and a nurse first on the scene. Before heading back to surgery, there was a small window to offer Jordyn a priesthood blessing. Amid the chaos, Jordyn’s father asked Bishop Sharp to offer a blessing of healing. Jordon remembers sharing specific and powerful phrases directly from a loving Heavenly Father for Jordyn and her parents to hear, some of which did not make sense at the moment—that she would live, that she would fully recover, that she was made exactly as He intended her to be, and that she didn’t need to change. At the time, the Sharps didn’t realize Jordyn was a closeted gay youth and they personally “didn’t have a dog in the fight,” but this experience seared in their minds and hearts a desire to be a part of the change they wished to see in the church to prevent further tragedy. Sadly, this would not be the only suicide attempt of a loved one close to the Sharps stemming from being an LGBTQ member of the church and the feeling of not belonging.
Yet, this experience prepared the Sharps for the moment a few years later when their oldest son, Sam, who was 14 at the time, sent his parents a text that laid it all out: he was gay. He had shortly before tested the waters, telling his mom, “I have a friend who might be coming out, and she’s scared to talk to her parents.” Luckily, Liz replied that it would be a good thing for their family. Jordon says of Sam’s coming out, “We knew our son, so we completely understood his profound desire to do what is right, keep the rules, and never disappoint. We recognized if Sam was telling us this, it came from a deep, real, and honest place. It was something he would never have chosen for himself due to the perceived harm, judgment, and challenges it could cause. But his coming out has brought the pure love of Christ into our home in a way that nothing else could have.”
The Sharp family has experienced many difficult times including losing Liz’s mom unexpectedly, a niece being diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, the death of a nephew, another nephew suffering a traumatic brain injury, and suicide attempts by loved ones. However, Liz says what she loves most about the church is how their faith community shows up for families—providing service, delivering meals, and mourning and praying with those in need. But with Sam’s coming out, they quickly realized this experience would be different. It became clear that many members, despite their greatest intentions, did not know how to include LGBTQ people in God’s plan. Liz, a former Relief Society president, says, “We are told to love all people, but due to our church policies and traditions, many members feel it might be against our religion to fully embrace LGBTQ people in our lives. It is common for members to discuss if LGBTQ members should be allowed into our homes, if they can associate with our kids, or if we can attend LGBTQ weddings. But we have learned how embracing the LGBTQ community has greatly enhanced our life and strengthened our love for Christ’s Gospel.”
Jordon says, “If we truly believe in the Golden Rule, everything we hold dear for ourselves—family, religion, healthcare, children, freedom—we are commanded to desire for all people, regardless of if we agree with them or not.”
Embracing their own growth in this and other areas, Jordon, who’s the VP of Marketing and Communication at Utah Tech University, says that through the recent rebranding of the university (formerly Dixie State University), they were able to witness the growth that comes from listening and striving to understand others’ experiences. “But the most important part,” Jordon says, “is to then believe the experiences and insights being shared. There is great power in realizing none of us has all the answers, but as we open our hearts and minds to other perspectives, our lives will be greatly enriched and blessed.”
Jordon says, “When I found out Sam was gay, I first thought, ‘Is Sam sure about this? How can we make this work within the church? How can I change him to fit this box?’ But that didn’t work, and he quickly spiraled downward. It wasn’t until Sam truly opened his heart to me one night, that a loving Heavenly Father corrected me, speaking deep into my soul, saying: ‘Don’t do anything to place shame on my son. Don’t try to change him. This is who he is. This is how I made him.’ I realized when you try to change people or force them to bury who they are and their talents, they can’t multiply them. As we get to know each other through telling our stories, we find proximity and clarity. It expands our tent and allows us to learn.” Jordon continues, “Research shows that this next generation is rejecting religion, but not because they’re unrighteous or unspiritual. They are service-oriented, kind, and long for spirituality and community; but they refuse to make anyone a second-class citizen. They won’t do it. If the door is not open for all, they don’t want to walk through it.”
The Sharps have had unique opportunities to share their experiences with church authorities at the highest level, and they feel they were met with a sincere desire to learn and to do better. But their most sincere request for church leaders is to simply give members permission to love our LGBTQ brothers and sisters and share that they belong. Liz says, “Currently, to belong in the church, LGBTQ people are required to change their very being in order to fit in. However, true belonging is coming as you are and knowing you are welcome just the same.” At the local level, the Sharps say they have felt immense support and compassion from their leadership, which they recognize is not the case for everyone. They credit this support, which includes their stake president wearing a rainbow pin to church, as the reason they have been able to continue to show up.
Although Sam was the kind of kid who got up early every Sunday to help dress and prepare the other kids for church, his cognitive dissonance between the church and his identity increased. Even after Sam came out, he served faithfully in his quorum leadership, ministered to his assigned families, and played the organ in Sacrament Meeting and Primary. Sadly, however, due to the constant focus on areas that didn’t apply to him, weren’t achievable for him, and didn’t include him, Sam began to experience panic attacks at church. After many years of attempting to find the balance between his spiritual and mental health at church, Sam met with his parents and shared that he would no longer be attending with them on Sundays.
Although the Sharps expressed how the gospel and their faith community have been everything to them, they likewise understand it’s best for Sam to not attend a non-affirming space if he so chooses. Liz says, “And sadly, our other children (Chloe—15, Phoebe—12, Charles—8, and Annie--4) have become acutely cognizant that our family does not fit into the typical church box, causing discomfort for them as well.” Liz explains how Sam’s siblings look to him as a beacon for goodness and consider him the “glue” of their family. Liz continues, “What we hope for our other children, we hope for Sam. His desires are just as worthy as those of his straight siblings—to have a family, give back to the community, and embody honesty and integrity with who he is. Those are righteous desires that we don’t want him to stifle. We feel that’s what God wants for everyone. Our communities would thrive if we supported all people in their desires to grow, connect, and give back.”
Jordon concurs, “If our family wants to feel love and goodness, we turn to Sam. If you were to tell one of my kids that Sam is broken or doesn’t qualify for certain blessings, their hearts and souls would reject that—they’d know it’s untrue. When we deny people love and companionship, which are the building blocks of humanity, it doesn’t help them fulfill the measure of their creation. Exiling people to a life alone doesn’t build their faith, doesn’t build the church, and doesn’t build society. I know the love I feel for my children, and I can only hope Heavenly Father’s love is much greater, and I am confident our Heavenly Parents desire love and connection for all of us.”
At 17 years old, Sam has now found a completely safe and loving environment at the Utah Arts Academy he attends, whose motto “You Belong” on a billboard screamed out “This is the place!” to his father when he first passed it on the freeway. Sam joins many peers in a positive and inviting atmosphere in which all types of kids are given space to thrive both academically and creatively as they are encouraged to be themselves. Jordon loves how the school asks, “Who are you? What talents do you bring to the table? Which tools can you add to the sandbox? It’s an experiment for how life should be—how every church should be. The church sandbox should be the most welcoming of all if we’re truly applying Christ’s teachings.” The Sharps believe that because Sam is accepted both at his school and in his family, he will reach his full potential. They regret that some of the brightest minds have been squashed “as we’ve forced them to hide and bury their talents.”
Having never been a part of a marginalized group themselves, Jordon says they’ve relished witnessing the love of the LGBTQ+ community, which “has been placed so far on the margins, that their capacity to love and accept others is like nothing we’ve ever experienced. I didn’t know that kind of love existed. It strips out all the things that don’t matter and gets to the root of what does, which is loving and supporting each other. Liz says, “I want people to know that I’m not sad that Sam is gay. I’m sad that the church and others are sad that Sam is gay. He wouldn’t be the person he is without these unique, God-given qualities.
As they have studied the New Testament in Sunday School this year, Jordon loves how one can apply almost any Jesus parable to turn LGBTQ discrimination on its head. “Christ shares these great examples of love, inclusion, and forgiveness to illustrate that He came to heal and love all, and ultimately, was killed in large part defending His radical form of inclusion. As we celebrate Pride month, I hope we can understand the idea of pride is to simply turn shame and exclusion into hope and belonging. When you know better, you do better, and now that we’ve met some of these (proverbial) women at the well—who are different and have something to teach us—our lives have been forever blessed and enriched.”
