It was the 90s, and he didn’t have words for it quite yet, but Scott Mena remembers the first time he had a feeling that he was “different.” While six-years-old, he looked at a two years older boy at his Cortlandt Manor, NY elementary school and felt a little funny inside. As he continued to grow, Scott knew something about his childhood crushes didn’t line up with the majority of his peers. It wasn’t until a few years later when a girl said, “Why are you so gay?” that Scott asked, “What’s that?” She explained “gay is when two boys like each other.” At age 10, Scott finally heard a label to describe how he felt. And one year later, at age 11, he was handed a pamphlet at church full of labels that indicated that how he was feeling was wrong.
Hoping (and praying) it might just be a phase, Scott rejected the pamphlet’s advice to talk to his bishop. He did open up to one of his two younger sisters, who asked him how he knew he was gay. He confided he had a crush on one of the Backstreet Boys, largely because of the “Quit Playing Games with My Heart” music video. He swore his sister to secrecy, but the next day, their mother called him in and mentioned Denise had said something about Scott liking boys. Scott went into immediate denial mode, saying, “Why would she say something so disgusting?” Hurt by this breach of trust and still committed to this part of him going away, Scott didn’t confront his sister or broach the topic again for some time.
But once Scott hit puberty, he realized nothing was changing. His family moved to Florida, where he submersed himself into pursuing theatre and film and tried to stay as busy as possible as a distraction. “The good thing about theatre is I was able to have an outlet for what I was feeling, and I could pretend to be someone else.” But that escapism was only a temporary fix. As Scott avoided his actual issues, he found himself also distracting himself with a new fixation: pornography. Ultimately, he says this habit just made him even more closeted and fearful. During his final year of high school as he began to think about the mission he’d soon be serving, he harbored a terrifying thought: what would he do if one of his companions was also gay and they ended up being attracted to each other and getting excommunicated? These types of ruminations plagued Scott and resulted in stress-induced eczema, and at one time a crying fit in the literal closet, where his mother found him curled up in despair.
After high school, Scott says, “I prayed to Heavenly Father—you’ve done miracles for Noah, Moses, all these people. Can you please give me a miracle of making me straight?” He didn’t know what to do anymore. After another prayer in which he surmised, “I’ll leave this in your hands,” Scott remembers hearing a very clear voice tell him he needed to talk to his bishop and to his mom. The bishop was brand new, and remembering his former lie to his mom about this topic, neither option seemed appealing; but Scott finally decided it was time to open up. After leaving a voicemail for his bishop with a request to meet, he called his mom into his room where they ensued a guessing game until she finally asked if what was troubling her son was that he might be gay. Scott confirmed and explained how he’d tried so hard to change, to date girls, to do all the things to get on the track of being straight. He says his mom didn’t recall their earlier conversation from years prior, having trusted what her son had said to be true. Now she said she didn’t understand everything but said she loved him, was there to help, and asked if he’d talked to the bishop.
After that conversation, Scott was feeling immensely lighter until he heard wails of sorrow coming from the room nearby. While knowing why his mom was crying, he ran out and acted as if he didn’t in fear his grandma might ask about the source of her tears. Scott found his grandmother comforting his sobbing mother—who had just shared his news. Scott was worried his devout Catholic grandmother might sprinkle some holy water on him as a cure, but instead she hugged him and said, “You know what, Scott, I don’t care if you’re gay or not. And I won’t even share this with your uncles.” Scott laughs at this, saying his grandma could be quite the gossip. His mom then said the bishop had called back, wanting to talk, but they decided to give it a day.
The next day, Scott’s mom joined him at the bishop’s office. The conversation started with the bishop commending Scott’s recent performance as the character “Mrs. White” in a community theater production of the play, CLUE: The Musical. He said, “You played such a convincing woman.” Scott laughed and replied, “About that…” He continued to spill. Scott’s mom then had a front row seat to the deleted scenes about his past with pornography and concerns about being able to serve a mission as a gay young man. The bishop replied it would be best to hold off on the mission until Scott had sorted through some of his mental health struggles and his pornography addiction—which Scott says he had also been treating with a little denial. But with the recommended help and resources provided by two different therapists and faithful attendance at the Addiction Recovery Program, Scott embarked on a path that culminated with five years of processing and healing until his therapist finally asked, “Scott, do you still want to go on a mission?” It had seemed so long since he first started his mission papers that it didn’t even feel possible, but Scott replied yes, he would. The counselor sent along her recommend to the stake president and a few weeks later, Scott was opening his mission call to the Denver, CO North mission in front of a few friends.
Scott left for the MTC with a sense of guilt as he had relapsed with his addiction, but with the help of his MTC leader, he was reminded how to get things off his chest and to move forward with faith and conviction. He says he felt his burdens lift and continued on his mission, though he said his five years of therapy and ARP certainly came in handy as he was often tasked with supplying communication and support skills with other missionaries who were struggling with their mental health.
Scott had come out to his father and sister Denise a few months after he told his mom and bishop. Denise also didn’t remember his earlier confession. While Denise was very supportive during all his years of therapy, Scott says his father adheres to some traditional views and it has been more difficult. But Scott says he is “trying to understand.” After his mission, Scott told his younger sister Kimberly, who at first didn’t believe him but then became a great support as well, and the two would talk about their crushes together. After his grandma passed away in 2019, Scott became closer with his mom. One day after church, she suggested his feelings of being gay would be temporary and to keep brushing them away. This sounded like something his father might say, and it hurt Scott. He cried in his room, and the next day his mom apologized. With time, Scott was able to work with his mom to create a more open conversational flow where they now can talk about everything including his dating. Scott also eventually opened up to some current as well as former high school friends.
While living in Florida, Scott visited a couple gay dance clubs there with friends including the Parliament House before his mission and later, after his mission, the Pulse Night Club in Orlando--shortly before the mass shooting there that took 49 lives and wounded 53 more. He had moved to the Bronx with his sisters when it happened, and he remembers the devastation he felt, thinking of what had happened at a place where he remembers having a good time out with his friends. Before his mission, Scott told his therapist he hoped to one day work in a way where he could help other people who’ve walked similar paths. Now he had even more resolve.
Scott made a short film that received an award in Spain, and his mother and grandmother encouraged him to go and attend, which took him on a trip through Europe. There, he loved seeing how LGBTQ+ people could openly be themselves. When Scott returned to Florida, he faced a deep depression and dealt with suicidal tendencies as he considered how he could live his life in a church where he could never be with anyone, or leave the church he loved and be with someone but always feel guilty for leaving the church. His mom advised him to speak with his bishop, who recommended he return to the ARP meetings. At one meeting, Scott felt a strong impression that his days of being in the closet would soon be over, and he needed to start sharing his story. So, he did. Those early experiences largely went well, as he received support from family, friends, even his former seminary teacher who in turn shared things with him. Through sharing, Scott saw that many also opened up about their own experiences with having LGBTQ family members and friends, and their own encounters with suicidal ideation.
In 2020, Scott joined PFLAG online and for the first time, in a zoom chat, told a room of strangers that he is gay. This was a “Wow, I’m saying it out loud” moment. After his mission, Scott had started his Scott Mena YouTube Channel to post his short films and projects. In 2017, he used it to introduce himself as Theater Guy, and there, he reviewed movies, books, and concerts as a likeable, relatable character. On June 1, 2021, Scott decided to use his Theater Guy persona to come out to the virtual world, saying he wanted to be there for his community and help all of God’s children feel comfortable being who they are. He was met with hundreds of comments of support, including many from church members.
A year ago, Scott was asked to be his ward’s mission leader. He felt good about accepting the calling but also felt he needed to share some of his journey about being gay over the pulpit. He expected the bishop to turn off the mic midstream, but “thankfully that didn’t happen.” When one member of the congregation later told him he felt his announcement was inappropriate, Scott took it as an opportunity to explain he had felt led by the spirit to say as much, even though he wasn’t sure why. The man seemed to soften at this.
As Scott has become more active with both his LGBTQ+ and LDS communities, he has experienced a variety of unique experiences. He went to Tallahassee two times, most recently to film and photograph the Drag Queen March and stand together with performers showing their support against bills targeting Drag shows. Prior to that, he went to support gender-affirming care legislation, and found a hot mic in front of his face as he was given 30 seconds to share his thoughts on the issue, pleading with the legislature to recognize that real people with unique needs are affected by their blanket proposals. He also has had the experience of inviting the missionaries serving in his area with him to help with the Deland Youth Social for their PRIDE Prom. He said when the elders walked in with their tags, some of his peers questioned, “Who brought them?” But in the end, it was a positive experience for all. Scott frequents drag shows and has become friends with many drag performers who have shown him that for the most part, drag is a longstanding artform and a chance for people with complicated backstories to express themselves artistically and find community.
Recently, Scott himself was called up onstage to perform as a contestant in the Deland Pride pageant. Encouraged by his peers to compete after a year of filming such events for the organization, Scott agreed. He rallied the help of several friends (with backup dancer potential) and drew upon his numerous years of experience with production design and musical performance skills to put together a moving talent performance in which Scott reenacts his complex feelings as an LDS missionary for two years before trading in his tag for his “theater guy” costume and persona. He ends by sharing how he ultimately came to learn that God loves him for who he is and it’s best to let your true self shine. After his brave and authentic performances throughout the night, Scott was awarded first place and crowned Mr. Deland Pride. “It was a really special moment.”
The next day, Scott went to church where he didn’t expect to be singled out for his achievement as he had kept posting to a minimum, but he was touched when his bishop’s wife, among others, came up and whispered “congrats.” For Scott Mena, life remains a complex balance between the gospel that he loves and the unique communities he now boldly embraces, but his favorite character to now perform is himself.
