At the start of her 8th grade year, Kendall Ewing’s new middle school track team needed someone to run the mile. Kendall wasn’t much of a runner -- had never been much of a competitive athlete of anything really -- but she agreed to participate, knowing they needed help. Throughout the season, Kendall came in dead last in every single race, something her mother Shannon says should have been particularly challenging for her daughter, who struggles with major anxiety. But Shannon said what impressed her most was how Kendall stuck it out the whole season, untethered to the judgment of others, while beating her best time with each and every race and ultimately improving her personal record by over a minute.
“This strong sense of being so comfortable and confident in her own skin is such a juxtaposition to her anxiety, but it’s just who Kendall is,” says Shannon. “She loves music and takes voice lessons; and she plays the guitar, bass guitar, electric, ukulele, violin, piano, you name it… but she won’t perform outside of her bedroom.” Now 16, Kendall also loves her regular babysitting gigs and wants to be a teacher one day. This fall, as a junior in high school, she will start the Ready Teach program in her Bulverde, Texas high school, which will allow her to team-teach in a local elementary school the first two periods of every day. Overall, Kendall magnifies typical teen interests and dreams, and it was in typical Kendall style how she came out to her mother last October on National Coming Out Day.
The two were sitting on the couch, each scrolling through Instagram when Kendall’s post popped up on Shannon’s phone: “Lesbian is not a dirty word. If you have questions, ask me.” Shannon turned to Kendall and did just that: “Is this legit? Is there something you want to say?” Kendall said, “Yep, it’s true.” “Cool,” shrugged Shannon, who wasn’t entirely surprised. While the Ewing family is open about many topics, including sexuality, Kendall had known this about herself but held back for awhile, unsure how her news would affect her parents. But both Shannon and husband Jason, who together own Ewing Automotive in San Antonio, Texas said this changed nothing about how they feel about their daughter, whose truth was also embraced by siblings Kamryn – 14 and Kohen – 12.
Kendall knew all along she’d have her mother’s support. Shannon didn’t grow up in the typical LDS family mold that characterized her Idaho hometown. “We were very liberal, and I sometimes straddled the fence, unsure which way I’d roll.” She and Jason married in the temple, and have been active in the Texas wards in which they’ve resided since. But about five years ago, Shannon decided to be wholly authentic with who she is in every way, even pressing buttons at times as needed, which she thinks helped her daughter know she’d have her back. Kendall also has a good friend in her mostly-LDS friend group who has come out, and that child’s mother has bonded with Shannon as the two have started a support group for about 30 others in their LDS-LGBTQ San Antonio, TX community.
Kendall came out on a Thursday, and the following morning her mother went on a scheduled girls’ trip, leaving Jason alone to sort through his daughter’s new territory, which was a struggle for him at first. He consulted with a friend from the stake, a child psychologist, who advised that the most important thing was to put the relationship with their daughter first. While Shannon says that Jason still can’t wrap his head around exactly what this looks like for the long term, he’s processing at his own pace in the journey and loves his daughter fiercely. Meanwhile, Shannon loves to show her love visually, wearing her Ally pride pins and rainbow shirts often to show support. She’s dedicated to putting Christ and family first, and completely fine with whatever path Kendall takes, as long as she’s healthy and happy.
There have been some uncomfortable moments in church settings in which Kendall has reached out to her mother for support, like when she recently sat through a tough seminary lesson. Shannon says, “I texted her back, ‘Listen, if this works for you right now, that’s great. If not, or in three months, we’ll change tactics.’ No matter what she decides to do, we have her back.” Since day one, Shannon has expressed, “I don’t believe in a Heavenly Father or Jesus Christ who would make you the way you are then punish you for being that way.” She has had to deconstruct her faith down to the basics, realizing her testimony is primarily based on Jesus Christ right now, and not necessarily some of the peripheral teachings of the church. Shannon says, “We have an entire Atonement process for people who CHOOSE to make bad choices, so how can we say it’s not for someone who didn’t choose this? Christ’s ultimate purpose is to let everyone return, happy and healthy, no matter what that looks like. So I tell Kendall ‘I’d rather you not get married in the temple to a woman who adores you for who you are, than in the temple to a man who looks good on the outside, but doesn’t honor who you are on the inside – I don’t want that for you’.”
The Ewings feel Kendall’s coming out has also been a blessing in that it’s opened their eyes to others in their community who are being marginalized. “It’s been nice to see outside the bubble, and find there’s a greater purpose out there, and ways to get involved.” As for the climate inside the church, Shannon wishes that leadership understood that some of the boundaries currently laid “are toxic and hurtful. They are behind the times as they have been with some other things in the past. I don’t know why change hasn’t happened yet – maybe it’s society, maybe the church will catch up – I don’t know when. But everyone should have a right to be sealed to a family; that should work itself out. Christ’s church shouldn’t have these limits and boxes. Ultimately, the main goal is to love God, love other people – and that’s it.”
As for the other stuff? Let’s just say Shannon’s recently gotten a couple tattoos and a nose piercing in solidarity to remind herself and others that no one needs to take themselves too seriously. “If they have a problem with how Kendall is or presents herself, they can talk to me first.”
And after so doing, they might just find Kendall circling the track in her own lane, not too worried about what everyone else is doing, as long as she’s working toward her personal best.
