Once upon a time, Heber C. Kimball commissioned fellow LDS pioneer John Hoggard to settle American Fork, UT. Six generations later, two of their descendants would meet at Lehi High School where Troy Huggard (of the Hoggard line) and Aubrie Fitzgerald (of the Kimball line) would meet and fall in love. The Huggards have been married almost 25 years and lived 20 of those years in American Fork where they have raised their kids, Cayden – 21, Emma – almost 18, Connor – 15, and Sophie – 12. A digital photo frame in their kitchen plays a running slide show of favorite family memories. In the mix, is a family motto that pops up often, “Inclusion is a family value.”
It's a quote that Cayden, who is gay, takes comfort in seeing. It’s a notion that wasn’t always the case for those who came before. Both Troy and Aubrie grew up with LGBTQ family members. But the way their families had handled those announcements was not ideal, and Aubrie says past treatment did not make it any easier for her own son when he was grappling with coming to terms with his orientation.
“The way my family had handled it taught me it was shameful. My understanding was it was something you chose. You might have tendencies, but I thought it was a choice, based on how my family and the church talked about it,” says Aubrie.
Regarding the birth of Cayden, Aubrie and Troy recall what a special feeling he emanated as an infant and little boy. “We wondered if he would be a prophet or an apostle because he was so pure and loving. He was extremely sensitive and gentle and didn’t even want to bother me while he was in my womb,” claims Aubrie.
As he grew, she paid close attention to the “tendencies” she observed in her firstborn. As a young child, he loved to dress up in princess dresses and play with little girls, dance, and sing— “some of the similar behaviors of my gay family members,” says Aubrie. “We didn’t encourage those things and now it makes me sad because Cayden is very talented and could have excelled in these things if we would have.”
The summer before Cayden’s senior year, he attended the Love Loud concert with some friends. Inspired by the affirming support of Dan Reynolds (front man of Imagine Dragons) to be yourself, Cayden came out to himself at that concert, finally feeling accepted and loved as a gay man.
Shortly after, he started testing the waters at home, hinting to his mom that he “might be bisexual.” He had some LGBTQ friends, and Aubrie recalls she would say, “Don’t hang out with those people.” She was worried that they were going to “make” him gay. On September 13th 2018, Cayden finally summoned the courage to tell his parents that he was gay, and Aubrie admits they did not handle it well. Terrified, they started looking for church resources everywhere they could, and not finding too much that was helpful, Aubrie maintained the mindset that maybe her son could still be gay and marry a woman. “In hindsight, I should have said, “I love you, it doesn’t matter and not tell him that he could marry a woman but let him know that we would love and support him as he self-determined his future,“ says Aubrie.
Aubrie finally felt a change of heart when she came across an article by Tom Christofferson, in which he praised how his mother (who also raised apostle Elder Todd Christofferson) had gone to great lengths to always make sure Tom and his partner felt comfortable in their home. Aubrie knew she had work to do.
Then Cayden started dating men. With his parents’ blessing, he came out to his siblings and sent an email to his grandparents in which he told them he was gay. Aubrie says, “He got a great response from them.” Soon after, her extended family said Cayden’s coming out changed the way they all felt about its LGBTQ family members. “Because he’s been able to be open about who he is and because we’ve been accepting and loving -- they all recognize the good in that,” she says.
Right after Cayden graduated high school, he went on a humanitarian trip to Jerusalem. He shared with his parents that he’d had a dream he needed to come home and go on a mission. He needed to get the bishop’s phone number, since he hadn’t been to church since January. Troy told Cayden, “I’ve been on a mission and missions are hard. I don’t encourage you to go as an openly gay man. I think it will be harmful to your mental health.” Aubrie, too, faced the facts with Cayden and said, “You have a boyfriend. How are you going to go on a mission with a boyfriend?” Cayden reasoned, “Lots of people go on missions with boyfriends or girlfriends at home.” Aubrie replied, “Yes, straight kids.” Aubrie says luckily, Cayden’s boyfriend was not supportive of him leaving to go on a mission, and while that relationship had its problems, one good thing that came of it was that it kept him off a mission – something his parents recognize would have been terribly difficult with his mental health struggles coupled with being an openly gay missionary.
His mother observes that Cayden has dismissed the church and is now on his own spiritual path, and says he believes in a higher power but with more agnostic tendencies. Cayden recently completed massage therapy school and is working on becoming a certified licensed massage therapist. He also works as a server at Brio, a nice Italian restaurant in Murray, Utah. Cayden currently lives in Salt Lake City where he is among many friends. “It’s good for him to be away, but he still comes home a couple times a week, mostly to see our dogs, Cooper and Mushu,” says Aubrie. He is now close to his parents, and they talk several times a day. Cayden loves to be with his friends, take care of his plants, paint, work out, and he loves the healing arts.
Aubrie and Troy now make a concerted effort to always include Cayden and all LGBTQ youth and people in their home. Aubrie says, “We want the church to be more inclusive. Until church is, that will come through us. Our kids know if you’re gay or come out, we include you.”
She continues, “These people who are gay are special spirits and they deserve a place; they have a place in God’s kingdom. Which is here and now, too. As far as Cayden goes, he’s a part of our family and always will be. There’s no exclusion policy here.”
