The way that you speak to (and about) LGBTQ people will be a significant factor in whether the LGBTQ members of your congregation (and their family members) feel comfortable and safe with you. When you talk about LGBTQ people and current issues, do it with a huge heart and express your love and support. You can even wear a pin, hang a flag, or display a lovely affirming piece of art to signal that you are inclusive of all types of people. Speak up when others are unkind or saying false and prejudicial things about LGBTQ people. Pray openly for further understanding and ways to support the LGBTQ people you know and love. There is no way to tell who is/isn’t LGBTQ just by looking at them or even making assumptions based on their past or current relationship status- so always speak of LGBTQ in a Christ-like way, regardless of who is in the room.

The Church’s views have changed about LGBTQ+IA over the years, and may continue to evolve as the gospel continues to be restored. In the meantime, consider redirecting your child to God with these questions: “Do you feel God’s love for you? What does He want you to do?” Encourage your child to walk this walk with God. - Allison

Use preferred names and pronouns when talking to them and about them. Recognize that their gender expression is not a measure of their faith. Help them know that they are needed and belong – especially at church. Be a stone-catcher. - Allison

Give yourself time. Be gentle with yourself. You will doubtless see other parents of transgender kids who are doing it “better” or “worse” than you, as if you were being graded on a curve. But your journey is yours. Allow yourself both the time and the space to mourn the loss of the child you knew, and get to know this one that is in front of you now. Be open with your child about this, asking for patience and understanding. I remember saying, “you are going to need to be patient with me. I am going to stumble and make mistakes, but above all, I love you. And I am trying” - (response provided by an active Latter-day Saint mother, 50 years old)

“If a member decides to change his or her preferred name or pronouns of address, the name preference may be noted in the preferred name field on the membership record. The person may be addressed by the preferred name in the ward.” (General Handbook, 38.6.21) *The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

You don’t need to agree with (or totally understand) someone to be a safe place for them. I safe place looks like an open heart and curious mind. It says, “Help me understand where you’re coming from. What is it like to be you?” Only you get to decide what the rainbow represents to you. It may mean different things to different people, but for you, it may be simply a symbol of support and love. Period. You can’t control if other people choose to disagree or misinterpret your intentions. Don’t wait until you’ve got all the answers - go ahead and show your support and love for people around you in any way you feel comfortable. One of the MOST helpful things you can do is be OK with not knowing all the answers. This place of “not knowing” is fertile ground for unconditional love. - Allison

If the light is not shining from within our LGBTQ (or any) members, it could be that we are not reflecting the light of Christ on them! Comments like this cast judgment and do not lift or show love. We have to do better. -Allison

This short video (created by a group of gender-diverse young people) explains why pronouns are important to them, and gives tips for adjusting to new pronouns. This video may help: https://youtu.be/3xpvricekxU!